WELCOME!:)

honestly, i do not know who reads my blog..but whatever it is, i think wordpress is really a much better site to facilitate my writing..if you get what i mean…hmmm

a fresh start..definitely a new horizon..

a simple, real, and uncensored me!!:D

someone commented that i should make all my posts public..but i dun think i can do that..but to benefit everyone…this is my password system…

1) if it is bracketed as “mature content”..i need a commitment from you to keep a clear mind and open your heart..

password: iammature

2)if it is bracketed as “personal”..then it is really for personal friends..so if you are my close friend..just comment here and i’ll tell you the password:)

3) if it has no brackets, but is protected..then i am so sorry..i can’t allow anyone to read it..so it’ll probably contain very personal information..:)

alrightie..done!i’m so sorry kenneth for the first change!haha enjoy!

The Signs of a Breakdown.

I AM SO TIRED..

other than that sentence..i don’t know what else to say..

i am so tired that i would like to scream it out..

i am so tired that i wanna cry it out..

i am so tired that i wanna just fade away..

i’m so tired of waiting..

tired of doing..

tired of being..

i am so tired i could just kill cease to exist..

floods of emotions..

revolving thoughts..

overwhelming emptiness..

just a tad too much..

would you just give me a break, please..

i really need it..

i need a holiday.

I AM SO TIRED.

Letting Go； 手放开了。

我把自己关起来只留下一个阳台
每当天黑推开窗我对着夜幕发呆
看着往事一幕一幕
再次演出你我的爱
我把电视机打开听着别人的对白
也许那些故事可以给我一个交代
你要的爱我学不来
眼睁睁看情变坏人怔怔看情感概
不能给你未来我还你现在
安静结束也是另一种对待
当眼泪流下来 伤已超载
分开也是另一种明白

我给你最后的疼爱是手放开
不要一张双人床中间隔着一片海
感情的污点就留给时间慢慢漂白
把爱收进胸前左边口袋
最后的疼爱是手放开
不想用言语拉扯所以选择不责怪
感情就像候车月台有人走有人来
我的心是一个站牌 写着等待

不能给你未来我还你现在
安静结束也是另一种对待
当眼泪流下来 伤已超载
分开也是另一种明白

我给你最后的疼爱是手放开
不要一张双人床中间隔着一片海
感情的污点就留给时间慢慢漂白
把爱收进胸前左边口袋
最后的疼爱是手放开
不想用言语拉扯所以选择不责怪
感情就像候车月台有人走有人来
我的心是一个站牌 写着等待

我把收音机打开听着别人的失败
啃咽的声音仿佛诉说着相同悲哀
你的依赖还在胸怀
我无法轻易推开我无法随便走开
感情中专心的人容易被伤害。

i’m ok, don’t worry.

The Left of the Right.

what is with the wringing of the heart..

what is with the skipping of the beat..

what is with this mental rotation..

what is with the floods of images and voices..

what is up with me?

when the right thing is done..

most think it is done for good..

gone and forgotten..

not being willed, but willed..

but little do most know..

there is a left to the right..

that lurks in the darkness..

that pulls you to either neutrality..

or to the extreme left..

i am almost indifferent.

should i be?

i am not happy, but not sad either.

but the thing is..

i am NOT happy.

sigh.

Protected: Just Need to Let Things Out..

This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Password:

Relationships #4: The Irony

the irony;

everyone craves for love..

looking for it in the wrong places..

and wrong faces..

but sometimes people look for it in the right faces..

and just don’t have the courage to open up their inner spaces..

and i realized..

people want to romance and be romanced..

but at the same time when it comes knocking on their door..

it is soo easy to step on the side of fear and uncertainty..

and not open it at all..

we want to go forward..

but because of past experiences of wounds and hurts..

rejection and being torn apart..

though we want to reach out for what our soul cries out for..

we withdraw-

withdraw into a place where being alone is the safest..

being alone doesnt hurt anyone, most imptly ourselves..

we put ourselves in a box..

playing up the scenarios again and again..

that this and that may happen..

the ‘what ifs’ cripple us..

and we find ourselves caught in a cycle of loneliness..

barren and scared.

God never intended us to be like this!

He wants us to constantly have the faith to step OUT and step UP..

then we may say..but our experiences, fears, uncertainties..

hurts and scars..

ARE REAL..stark and real..

and yes, i know so too..

and for me..i am also in this cycle..

this cycle of not wanting to say ‘yes’ to someone i feel attracted to..

to think i am not ready to jump into a relationship..

cos i don’t know if he is D’ONE..

and i want my next one to be the last one..

i have no solution, sadly..

cos i tend to withdraw a lot, when i want it more..

but while i was in bed after taking a nap..

God just reminded me..

that if i am close to Him..

and if His thoughts and plans are always good for me..

and if i ALWAYS lift this area to Him..

and being sensitive to what i should/should not do..

i will be fine..

avoiding rejection and accepting miracles:)

faith upon faith..

i need to grow in faith..

and surrender EVERY area of my life to Him..

to integrate the God factor in everything..

hmm..it is easier to say i will follow God’s leading..

than actually doing it..

diluting the emotions that are acting up in my soul..

and going for it..

hmmm..would my future guy out there understand i actually have this fear?

haha..so it’s either you chase me first and assure me that my feelings are reciprocated..

or you will never know that i actually like you too..

i am done taking the initiative, seriously.

p.s: this is just a ‘thoughts’ post.

Protected: Yours J, Mine S.

This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Password:

The Divine Plan.

i never really understood..

what does this “God’s divine plan for your life”..

is really all about..

only recently, when i sat and pondered..

then i realized..my ENTIRE life..

is God’s divine plan..to allow me to reach my destiny..

but not just to reach it..but to be able to sustain it..

this is a thank-You post.

recently, my dad smsed me to pray for our house is australia to get sold off at a good price..

this is really impt as now rachel is on to medical school..and per year her education cost a ’superlicious’ 60k..four years means 240k..(aussie dollars that is..)

so, if we could sell this house at 300k..her education will be more or less settled..which means a HUGE load off my parents’ back..

and to think about it..my dad was still complaining about this property we bought when my bro was born..in case he decided to go brisbane to study in this teens..but of cos, he didnt and my dad was really thinking about selling the house and sorta regretting buying it the first place..

but now, it could be the only solution to make our cashflow smoother..and of cos more money for me, the youngest one, to spend….(for educational and constructive reasons, of cos )

so anyway..whilst thinking about it..its really God’s divine plan..from my dad buying the house to him slogging his way through to pay it off..to slogging his way to pay off our local property (that is making profits too)..to being debt free..and now trying to sell of the property to allow this family to be even more prosperous..

God works in wonders..period.

He knows what are the thoughts He thinks toward us..of a future and a hope..

be it the most minute thing..and maybe in our eyes, the most insignificant..

but the interplay of who we meet, what we do, how we did it, where and when..

reflects the DIVINE plan that God has for our lives..

and we must trust that EVERYTHING will work out for the good to those who love God (Rom 8)..

even if the situations and seasons we go through may seem like ‘CRAP!’..

but its really for a future and a hope..

but we always punch our fists up in the air..blaming God for everything that goes wrong in our lives..but maybe without it..we wouldnt be tasting the successes we are today..

so wouldnt it be easier to KNOW what He is trying to do in our lives..know the season He is putting us through..know what He plans to do…

AND GET INVOLVED IN IT? (instead of complaining and whining)

thinking about it, God has already shown this nature of His in our natural bodies..where He allows infection to take place, to make us rest..antibodies to get rid of unwanted stuff etc etc..

He is awesome, isnt He?

God has 纸上谈兵 before we were born..

and seriously..His strategy will make us victorious..He will win this battle for us on Earth..

if He is for, who can be against us?

p.s.: this is just one of the many incidents that happened this week now i am more sure than ever, i’m blessed.

Jer 29:10-14

I will come to you and fulfill my gracious promise to bring you back to this place.  For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.  I will be found by you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.”

(from New International Version)

Protected: Discouraged. (personal)

This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Password:

Protected: The Whirlwind. (personal)

This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Password:

Don’t Feel Bad..Just Know It Is The Right Thing To Do…

when things turned out this way..the first thing i felt like doing was to blame myself..

but i know and i know..

from the very beginning..it was not right..

i knew what was the right thing to do…

and so the right thing has realized…

but yet, i feel like reverting back to the past and make things normal again..

how fickle, am i!

but all i know is..

its the right decision..and i MUST follow through with it..

it may not be easy..but i am very sure..

it will be for the best!:D

so don’t feel bad sarah, just know it is the right thing to do:)

i am seriously happy right now..

cos the very thoughts of having my family with me to spend christmas..

is just AWESOME!!!

i love my parents….they are awesome..

would hug them forever..

would kiss them forever..

would love them forever..

so nothing else matter anymore:)