Love is so Fragile

Love, something to sweet and blissful..and yet so easily shattered into debris of hatred and bitterness..

So fragile..love,it is..

Most often the people that hurt us the most are the people we care for the most..the ones we sacrificed for..we deem as most important and significant in our lives..our LOVED ones..

But its often inevitable that conflicts arise,expectations differ,perspectives clash..but it’s not about the existence of dispute..but the way the dispute is being handled..

And this week..too many,so many conflicts are MIS-handled..I am rather saddened by it..

God meant relationships to be a means to mould our character..a plan to make us the people He wants us to be..as iron sharpens iron..but fallen humans,being fallen..are often selfish, insensitive and just sincerely ignorant about the things they so unconsciously do to hurt others..

Friendship,family and romantic love..so easily broken,so difficult to build up once again..

Can’t we love the way Jesus has loved us? But I guess,we all know no better..I am in the wrong too..maybe God is showing me so many cases of love being broken..cos I need to guard my heart and be cautious too..

I’m just burdened..

All I know is..

Jesus is too precious to me..for me to pin Him on the cross again..becos of my self-serving desires to sin..

My family is too precious to me..for me to pick faults and judge their imperfections..I am imperfect too..

My lover is too precious to me..for me to place my idealistic and selfish expectations on..as he is someone as ignorant and as desperate in life as I am..I want to his forever cheerleader..his forever buddy in his combats..his bestfit support in every circumstance he faces..

My friends and members are too precious to me..for me to only focus on self and forget about their needs and their struggles..I want to cry,laugh together with them…

My love is not limited to the perspective of love I have in my finite mind..but to the perspective of agape love..God has illuminated in my heart and mind..the moment I said ‘yes’ at the altar..and when His Spirit abided in me and breathed new life into my being..

Love,just as You have loved me..
Teach me, to be like who You are..
God is love.

The Reason for Loving my Family

Recently..i felt very “disturbed” by the comments a particular someone made abt the church n her leadership..this someone was a person i used to respect and knew that he can really make a great leader..but now..his questioning has become rather cynical..like there is already an embedded bitterness..some form of disapproval..n thus,his relentless efforts to disagree with the church n efforts, which are pale in comparison, to defend it..if u want to be a balanced critic..to bring some reality check on this aspect..I totally understand..but please be responsible enough to give a balanced argument!!

I am frustrated..cos like how we love our family members the way they are..as much as they are imperfect..somehow in human nature,we won’t desert our loved ones n leave them desolate..I love chc,no matter how imperfect she is..

This is my home..a place where I found myself back..a place that undeniably made me stronger..indeed all critics say it is just the atmosphere of positivity and faith that cause us into positive action..but whatever it is, why can’t we believe that God uses human methods for spiritual purposes!!emotionalism,science,media etc..can all be in the control of an Almighty God!why limit an unlimited God in an limited mind like ours!!it will NEVER make sense..and I don’t seek to make sense out of it!cos..it’s God and lowly humans!!

Anyway,just to quote sophie’s tweet..I don’t need a reason to love my family..well-said:)

The Divine Plan.

i never really understood..

what does this “God’s divine plan for your life”..

is really all about..

only recently, when i sat and pondered..

then i realized..my ENTIRE life..

is God’s divine plan..to allow me to reach my destiny..

but not just to reach it..but to be able to sustain it..

this is a thank-You post.

recently, my dad smsed me to pray for our house is australia to get sold off at a good price..

this is really impt as now rachel is on to medical school..and per year her education cost a ‘superlicious’ 60k..four years means 240k..(aussie dollars that is..)

so, if we could sell this house at 300k..her education will be more or less settled..which means a HUGE load off my parents’ back..

and to think about it..my dad was still complaining about this property we bought when my bro was born..in case he decided to go brisbane to study in this teens..but of cos, he didnt and my dad was really thinking about selling the house and sorta regretting buying it the first place..

but now, it could be the only solution to make our cashflow smoother..and of cos more money for me, the youngest one, to spend….(for educational and constructive reasons, of cos )

so anyway..whilst thinking about it..its really God’s divine plan..from my dad buying the house to him slogging his way through to pay it off..to slogging his way to pay off our local property (that is making profits too)..to being debt free..and now trying to sell of the property to allow this family to be even more prosperous..

God works in wonders..period.

He knows what are the thoughts He thinks toward us..of a future and a hope..

be it the most minute thing..and maybe in our eyes, the most insignificant..

but the interplay of who we meet, what we do, how we did it, where and when..

reflects the DIVINE plan that God has for our lives..

and we must trust that EVERYTHING will work out for the good to those who love God (Rom 8)..

even if the situations and seasons we go through may seem like ‘CRAP!’..

but its really for a future and a hope..

but we always punch our fists up in the air..blaming God for everything that goes wrong in our lives..but maybe without it..we wouldnt be tasting the successes we are today..

so wouldnt it be easier to KNOW what He is trying to do in our lives..know the season He is putting us through..know what He plans to do…

AND GET INVOLVED IN IT? (instead of complaining and whining)

thinking about it, God has already shown this nature of His in our natural bodies..where He allows infection to take place, to make us rest..antibodies to get rid of unwanted stuff etc etc..

He is awesome, isnt He?

God has 纸上谈兵 before we were born..

and seriously..His strategy will make us victorious..He will win this battle for us on Earth..

if He is for, who can be against us?

p.s.: this is just one of the many incidents that happened this week now i am more sure than ever, i’m blessed.

Jer 29:10-14

I will come to you and fulfill my gracious promise to bring you back to this place.  For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.  I will be found by you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.”

(from New International Version)

Protected: Discouraged. (personal)

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Don’t Feel Bad..Just Know It Is The Right Thing To Do…

when things turned out this way..the first thing i felt like doing was to blame myself..

but i know and i know..

from the very beginning..it was not right..

i knew what was the right thing to do…

and so the right thing has realized…

but yet, i feel like reverting back to the past and make things normal again..

how fickle, am i!

but all i know is..

its the right decision..and i MUST follow through with it..

it may not be easy..but i am very sure..

it will be for the best!:D

so don’t feel bad sarah, just know it is the right thing to do:)

i am seriously happy right now..

cos the very thoughts of having my family with me to spend christmas..

is just AWESOME!!!

i love my parents….they are awesome..

would hug them forever..

would kiss them forever..

would love them forever..

so nothing else matter anymore:)

I’m Adulte-Rated!

*exhales* finally i can blog about my bday celebrations..to finally just pen down my thought about how i feel being 21 and to thank various ones for everything they have done for me:)

day #1: Yanghong, Sean and Chris

we went to sakae teppanyaki and the food is goood:) but beyond the glorious, delectable savouries..was the company i had shared with them..

i am not like the best friend they have ever had..and evaluating myself..i don’t think i have been a very good friend either..but i m just soooo touched and blessed to have people like them in my life..that even when i didn’t feel like celebrating my bday..they took the effort and their sincerity to celebrate with me:) and for that i’m eternally grateful..yanghong did the most i sense..(haha)..but really, that meal meant A LOT to me..cos it made me realize that i have friends around me that are willing to stand by my side..even when no one else notices me! love you all!

having an awesomely,almost heavenly chocolate cake..its soooo much better than coco-exotic..

bright smiles and a shining heart…hehehe

then i went to meet don..who “abducted” me into a corner of macritche reservior..but man that place really looked like some enchanted forest..the air was cool and sweet..the sound of tranquility was surrounding me..and there he sang a half birthday song..which i had to finish..haha then i went to watch transformers..awesome show i must say!:)

Day #2: Don

jo was so cute when she exclaimed, “Sarah Teo, its your bday!!i’m gonna do your makeup and wear this and that!you need to look your best on your 21st!!”

so yes i was her canvas..and i must say she is quite good at make up and grooming..though she keeps complaining that my eyes were just toooooooooooo POPpy and frog-like..but yes i went out looking like a beautiful..so thanks josi-anna;)

so, i was really touched that day..as i thought that i really spend my bday with someone special..and felt really happy about that..i was taken care of, attended to..feeling like i didnt need to worry about anything..but i know i’ll have a great day:) hehe thanks donatello!

so we went to shashlik..a russian restaurant..that dates right back to my parents days or even older!the place was really dim and has that rustic feel to it..cos of the decor and the stuff they serve..it feels like you are transported to a realm of the 1960s..seriously..

but let me tell you the food is amazingly gooooood!:) the borsch soup, steaks, and banana flambee are highly recommended!not mentioning the really fresh oysters…(this is my second time eating it..and the taste in this restaurant never failed me) yay!

吃在口里，甜在心里

Day #4: Family <3

jo practically did all the planning and gathered the usuals to singapore flyer for dinner with me..and i MUST say..it is one of the BEST BEST BESTTT dinners i have ever had..the food was sooo goood (ate till my tummy grew by 2inches, haha)..but the place was just quaint and comfortable..

the best thing about this year is..my bday cake was actually a mountain of 寿包 (the pink, peach-shaped buns)!!!haha it was really hilarious!!But it’ll really be unforgettable in 100years to come..my 21st bday was made special!

my mummy and daddy are the 2 most incredible people in the world..they raised me..nurtured me..tolerated all my nonsense..and still loves me unconditionally..right now, i dun even know what to say to describe my gratitude towards them…

but simply to all the teo-s, i love you:) *even rach sent a pretty, purple, mermaid card all the way from aussie…yes i am a mermaid now..not the alaskan seal! hahaha*

Day #5: cell group!

they are one bunch of monkeys mannn..haha telling me day and night about how they won’t celebrate my bday..wanna come to my house and play guitar hero instead..but of cos i know they are lying la..like HELLO?which century do you think i was from?hahaha

but they are such sweeties..they aren’t the richest people around..they aren’t the most happening and rah-rah ones too..but they try..and not just that..they try their bestest best to make me smile…and man did i smile they are people that i will sincerely sacrifice a lot for..not because they have something to offer back to me..but simply because i really sense that they love me W380, you guys rock my socks!! hehehe

so that sums it up!:) all in all, my bday was one rockin’ good time..not because i went to deliberately plan a super awesome party..but because i had earth-shaking, super uber awesome people around me!:) i love them very very very muchies!

so now i’m 21, what’s my new direction?

haha, actually i havent really thought abt it..

just that i wanna love more sincerely..

live my life more seriously..

and ultimately just smile every day of my life!:)

p.s.: i have put on soooo much weight because of all the meals mannn!减肥大行动又要开始了!

I Want To Be Simple.

through these years i realized i hate conflict, tension and dispute..

all i want is just to be me..

to love the people around me to the best of my abilities..

to serve and to give as much as i can..

but most imptly, to enjoy the process..

life does not need to be complicated..

if i could just hold the thought that i want to make the people around me happy..

then i’ll be happy too..

nasty emotions, thoughts and other entities that get you down..

well its all a choice, isnt it?

and for some strange reason..

i have become, well i won’t say closed..

but more like insulated..

i just want to do what i am to do heartily..

love life and live it!

and just pray and hope..

that you will take me seriously..and not treat me like some dirt on the street..

yes simply put, i realize i do have worth..

and i deserve people that are willing to “die” for me..

THE START OF A NEW RAINBOW!

*heaved a sigh of relief*
finally! i can sit down and really pen down my thoughts about 2008..

and about the start of 2009!

at the end of each year..

it is always a time of reflection and evaluation..

a time for thanksgiving..

and a time for adjustments and changes..

trying our best to expect greater in the new year…

with that..

i really wanna thank..

 

my parents!

i love my mummy and daddy with all my heart, soul and mind..

i can honestly say i will do ANYTHING for them..

even if it means to give up my life..

or my greatest happiness..

and i think God has been so good to me..

He didn’t just give me parents that understand..

but ones that are supportive..

and WANT me to go to the next level..

to the BEST i can be..

or at the very least..the best i WANT to be..

they are simply awesome..

i am eternally grateful..

if you have been impacted by me some how or another..

always remember..

behind every great minister..are even greatER parents:)

my siblings!

thanks for always being cranky.. (that it becomes funny to reflect upon)picking up fights that are nonsensical and unimportant..late night suppers..late night LAN gaming..late night cabletv watching..late night cracking of jokes..etc etc etc..behind all the facades of bickering with one another..and being irritated all the time..are hearts and FRIENDships..that are actually strong and loving..we help when one of us needs it..love when one of us is broken..give hope when one of us feels hopeless..we are each others’ pillars of strength..and with all my heart..i truly love them:)

my beyond-amazing family!

without them there won’t be me..

but of cos..

my cell group!

i think this bunch of people really made me realize..

that all that i do..

though insignificant and unseen..

does make an impact..

on someone..at some time..

i can’t thank God enough for giving such a unique bunch of people..

so different..yet so close-knitted..

everyone thought we started out being the apparent “IMpossible” people..

but i think we REALLY proved them wrong..

we are evidently people of all possibilities!

every single one has their own talent or skill..

a desire to increase and change for the better..

EVERY one is becoming a leader:)

so guys, IF YOU WANT TO BE, BE THE BEST THAT YOU CAN BE!

my TRUE friends!

people that have listened to me, talked to me, cried with me, comforted me..

throught ALL the hard times in 2008!

they are the Jesus-es in my life..

the ones that made me realize that God actually understands..

and cares for me:)

to pastor, pauline, simon, veron, kelvin, boon kiat, sophie, yanghong, quanhan, christopher, olivia, isabel, jingxuan..

i love you all with the utmost!let’s continue to serve God together!:D

last and definitely the most important,

i want to thank God.

(words will not be able to describe all that is in my heart)

so, thank you Jesus.

take my ALL.

i’m willing..

and indeed, You deserve it all.