Totally Used. (not wasted)

i stared into space.

my mind’s shutting down..

and my eyes trying their best to go against gravity..

i heaved a sigh of relief..

“finally…..”

“i’m totally exhausted…”

but from deep within..

my soul overflowed with floods of emotion..

“i’m very happy tonight..”

and in the wilderness of indifference..

i smiled.

indeed.

I’m Adulte-Rated!

*exhales* finally i can blog about my bday celebrations..to finally just pen down my thought about how i feel being 21 and to thank various ones for everything they have done for me:)

day #1: Yanghong, Sean and Chris

we went to sakae teppanyaki and the food is goood:) but beyond the glorious, delectable savouries..was the company i had shared with them..

i am not like the best friend they have ever had..and evaluating myself..i don’t think i have been a very good friend either..but i m just soooo touched and blessed to have people like them in my life..that even when i didn’t feel like celebrating my bday..they took the effort and their sincerity to celebrate with me:) and for that i’m eternally grateful..yanghong did the most i sense..(haha)..but really, that meal meant A LOT to me..cos it made me realize that i have friends around me that are willing to stand by my side..even when no one else notices me! love you all!

having an awesomely,almost heavenly chocolate cake..its soooo much better than coco-exotic..

bright smiles and a shining heart…hehehe

then i went to meet don..who “abducted” me into a corner of macritche reservior..but man that place really looked like some enchanted forest..the air was cool and sweet..the sound of tranquility was surrounding me..and there he sang a half birthday song..which i had to finish..haha then i went to watch transformers..awesome show i must say!:)

Day #2: Don

jo was so cute when she exclaimed, “Sarah Teo, its your bday!!i’m gonna do your makeup and wear this and that!you need to look your best on your 21st!!”

so yes i was her canvas..and i must say she is quite good at make up and grooming..though she keeps complaining that my eyes were just toooooooooooo POPpy and frog-like..but yes i went out looking like a beautiful..so thanks josi-anna;)

so, i was really touched that day..as i thought that i really spend my bday with someone special..and felt really happy about that..i was taken care of, attended to..feeling like i didnt need to worry about anything..but i know i’ll have a great day:) hehe thanks donatello!

so we went to shashlik..a russian restaurant..that dates right back to my parents days or even older!the place was really dim and has that rustic feel to it..cos of the decor and the stuff they serve..it feels like you are transported to a realm of the 1960s..seriously..

but let me tell you the food is amazingly gooooood!:) the borsch soup, steaks, and banana flambee are highly recommended!not mentioning the really fresh oysters…(this is my second time eating it..and the taste in this restaurant never failed me) yay!

吃在口里，甜在心里

Day #4: Family <3

jo practically did all the planning and gathered the usuals to singapore flyer for dinner with me..and i MUST say..it is one of the BEST BEST BESTTT dinners i have ever had..the food was sooo goood (ate till my tummy grew by 2inches, haha)..but the place was just quaint and comfortable..

the best thing about this year is..my bday cake was actually a mountain of 寿包 (the pink, peach-shaped buns)!!!haha it was really hilarious!!But it’ll really be unforgettable in 100years to come..my 21st bday was made special!

my mummy and daddy are the 2 most incredible people in the world..they raised me..nurtured me..tolerated all my nonsense..and still loves me unconditionally..right now, i dun even know what to say to describe my gratitude towards them…

but simply to all the teo-s, i love you:) *even rach sent a pretty, purple, mermaid card all the way from aussie…yes i am a mermaid now..not the alaskan seal! hahaha*

Day #5: cell group!

they are one bunch of monkeys mannn..haha telling me day and night about how they won’t celebrate my bday..wanna come to my house and play guitar hero instead..but of cos i know they are lying la..like HELLO?which century do you think i was from?hahaha

but they are such sweeties..they aren’t the richest people around..they aren’t the most happening and rah-rah ones too..but they try..and not just that..they try their bestest best to make me smile…and man did i smile they are people that i will sincerely sacrifice a lot for..not because they have something to offer back to me..but simply because i really sense that they love me W380, you guys rock my socks!! hehehe

so that sums it up!:) all in all, my bday was one rockin’ good time..not because i went to deliberately plan a super awesome party..but because i had earth-shaking, super uber awesome people around me!:) i love them very very very muchies!

so now i’m 21, what’s my new direction?

haha, actually i havent really thought abt it..

just that i wanna love more sincerely..

live my life more seriously..

and ultimately just smile every day of my life!:)

p.s.: i have put on soooo much weight because of all the meals mannn!减肥大行动又要开始了!

Maternal Instincts.

you know i learn in psychology…

that in every being (whether animal or human)..

has programmed aggression behaviour patterns..

either to protect or to show dominance..

and know what i have just experienced maternal aggression..

 

if anyone dares to touch, badmouth, or accuse my children..

for things that clearly not entirely their fault..

PLUS, say things about my family because you feel like it..

things that are uncalled for..and derogatory..

know what..

maternal instinct and aggression kicks in..

but of cos being sanctified….(hmmmm)

i shan’t really express all that is within me..

and won’t let the wrath get the better of me..

so lines.

DRAW COLD, HARD, BOLD LINES..

you better don’t step in again..

i don’t serve you..i serve God..

so whatever you say..i can’t care less..

seriously, can’t waste time on mindless people…

 

so to my awesome people..i don’t doubt you are imperfect..

and you all do make mistakes..

but who doesn’t?

all i can say is..

whatever we have done wrong, we apologise and rectify..

whatever problem we have caused…we change and make things better..

whatever the case is, we are all just trying our best..

so guys my promise to all of you is…

for the bad things, we eradicate..

for the good things, we strengthen..

and for the things that people say that are untrue..

I’LL SERIOUSLY PROTECT ALL OF YOU WITH AGGRESSION.

haha okok enough of rants..

i love you guys!! no matter what they say or do or….*trails off*

ME OF LITTLE FAITH!

the kingdom of God always work in opposites..

you will be surprised on how many ironic statements the Bible makes..

lose your life and gain it..

your seed must die before it can flourish..

the last shall be the first..

the way to ultimate leadership is servanthood..

and of cos, they ALL make absolutely a lot of sense!

and this week..

i got a “privilege” to experience one of the greatest ironies..

“with faith as small as a mustard seed..

you can move MOUNTAINS..”

i started the week feeling rather deflated..

from all the things that have been happening in my life..

emotionally, i’m weak..

spiritually, i’m passing by..

and physically, i’m extremely tired..

(not mentioning the troubling sleeping problems i have been having :/)

when i was called upon to take charge of katong hostel..

honestly i dreaded it..

i thought the situation as

impossible..cannot be done..it is SOOOO difficult..

they are simply NOT open..

(not as if i haven’t been there before)..

despite pastor yk’s relentless persuasion that in every revival..

all it took was someone to do MORE..

to do some DIFFERENT..

to do something INCONVENIENT..

i knew it in my head..but have not experienced it in my heart..

so i went through the motion..

not thinking much will come out of it..

but guys, when you don’t believe..

God still does..

God’s faith is unshakable, infallible, neverending..

it always sees hope in every situation..

He creates something out of NOTHING..

imagine the faith He has!

and on wed, my members went down to give flyers..

but soon got stopped cos it was inconvenient..

they were quite disheartened..

and just waited outside to catch anyone they saw..

but left with NOTHING..

then God started to move..

the next day..the management called..

and said that there were 23 people that were interested in coming!!

then i jumped..and was thinking..

i really have little faith!!

God is doing all the work..and i’m just sitting here whining my life away..

it did not stop there..

the next day..the managment called again…

and now there are 40 people coming!!!

God created an opportunity for revival out of absolutely NOTHING..

it is so God’s character huh?!

i truly believe and have experienced what God means by..

even when a mustard seed faith..

and in the midst of all the doubt..

a mountain can still be cast into the sea!

and like pst phil so passionately preached..

we are made in God’s likeness..

and if God can create things out of nothing with His mind and hands..

we definitely can!!!!

we can prophesy..imagine..and believe..

all the things that has not taken physical form..

to manifest itself in your world..

to create something out of nothing!

i am just overwhelmed..

cos i know God sees that i have a faith..

and He is really serious about stretching it..

so guys, take your mustard seeds..

and cast every mountain!

p.s.: you know prophesying into your world is really effective..i wanted a LV rose handbag..and i purposefully put it as my display pic..i saw it everyday..i say i want it everyday..and guess what…my mum bought it for meeee!!!I AM SERIOUS.

and now i want a santos cartier watch..something that easily cost $6000 dollars..

i didnt really tell them i wanted it..and i did the same as the LV..

and my parents, together, casually said..they may get that for me on my 21st!

guys, it is not about the brands..honestly if u know me i am not a person with brands..i don’t chase designer’s..and my parents aren’t rich to support that lifestyle..it is about the attitude behind this..really this is just a clear example that if you can SEE it, and you can SAY it..you can HAVE it:) yes and amen!

PART OF ME.

to all of “you”…

you are like pieces of me..

made to complete and make me whole..

we work, we sacrifice..

we do all we can together..

but when just ONE piece decides to let go..

and doesn’t want to fit in..

maybe because of insecurity..

because of unforgiveness..

because of fear and weakness..

you literally tear me apart..

i become dysfunctional..

i become incomplete..

i will not be myself..

so all of “you”..

please stay strong..

hold on together..

let’s win this!

i just got a revelation..

why do leaders always ask about our ministry..

and sometimes seem to overlook US..

the deep, inner selves..

they ask repeatedly…“how’s your cell group..”

instead of “how are you feeling..”

and i used to resent that..

like i feel they are always about just OTHER things..

than ME..the one who is going to bring the OTHER things in..

but i realize today i am wrong..

the very reason why my leaders ask about my ministry..

is because they want to protect my vision..

to propel me towards what I have been called to do..

to reach my destiny…

and by doing that they are protecting my life..

my passion..and drive..

ultimately, my love for God.

“a man without a vision perishes…”

so when a leader is very concerned over your ministry..

means he is very concerned over you..

he wants you to have LIFE..

and life more abundantly:)

THE START OF A NEW RAINBOW!

*heaved a sigh of relief*
finally! i can sit down and really pen down my thoughts about 2008..

and about the start of 2009!

at the end of each year..

it is always a time of reflection and evaluation..

a time for thanksgiving..

and a time for adjustments and changes..

trying our best to expect greater in the new year…

with that..

i really wanna thank..

 

my parents!

i love my mummy and daddy with all my heart, soul and mind..

i can honestly say i will do ANYTHING for them..

even if it means to give up my life..

or my greatest happiness..

and i think God has been so good to me..

He didn’t just give me parents that understand..

but ones that are supportive..

and WANT me to go to the next level..

to the BEST i can be..

or at the very least..the best i WANT to be..

they are simply awesome..

i am eternally grateful..

if you have been impacted by me some how or another..

always remember..

behind every great minister..are even greatER parents:)

my siblings!

thanks for always being cranky.. (that it becomes funny to reflect upon)picking up fights that are nonsensical and unimportant..late night suppers..late night LAN gaming..late night cabletv watching..late night cracking of jokes..etc etc etc..behind all the facades of bickering with one another..and being irritated all the time..are hearts and FRIENDships..that are actually strong and loving..we help when one of us needs it..love when one of us is broken..give hope when one of us feels hopeless..we are each others’ pillars of strength..and with all my heart..i truly love them:)

my beyond-amazing family!

without them there won’t be me..

but of cos..

my cell group!

i think this bunch of people really made me realize..

that all that i do..

though insignificant and unseen..

does make an impact..

on someone..at some time..

i can’t thank God enough for giving such a unique bunch of people..

so different..yet so close-knitted..

everyone thought we started out being the apparent “IMpossible” people..

but i think we REALLY proved them wrong..

we are evidently people of all possibilities!

every single one has their own talent or skill..

a desire to increase and change for the better..

EVERY one is becoming a leader:)

so guys, IF YOU WANT TO BE, BE THE BEST THAT YOU CAN BE!

my TRUE friends!

people that have listened to me, talked to me, cried with me, comforted me..

throught ALL the hard times in 2008!

they are the Jesus-es in my life..

the ones that made me realize that God actually understands..

and cares for me:)

to pastor, pauline, simon, veron, kelvin, boon kiat, sophie, yanghong, quanhan, christopher, olivia, isabel, jingxuan..

i love you all with the utmost!let’s continue to serve God together!:D

last and definitely the most important,

i want to thank God.

(words will not be able to describe all that is in my heart)

so, thank you Jesus.

take my ALL.

i’m willing..

and indeed, You deserve it all.